Yesterday (first chemo day) started out very emotional for me. I phoned my good friend, Jennifer to get a dose of "mom." Our talk was encouraging, making me feel better. I felt very sorry for myself and cried a few times prior to the actual visit. I didn't know what to expect. I met some nice people there. The oncology nurses were great; they have to be.
I met a woman who had breast cancer years ago who now has ovarian cancer. She mentioned that her parents died in their late 40s and early 50s from cancer. She appeared to be losing hair, and her first question to me was, "Do I look like I'm new at this?" She wore a lymphedema sleeve on her right arm. She looked very artsy. I hope when I am well into my chemo cycles and balding, that I look artsy and luminous like her. I liked her from that instant. She seemed joyful. She and I will be together during our next chemo.
I met another woman who was balding, bubbly and annoying. I prayed that I wouldn't be like her. She talked on her cell phone with the mic open so we could all hear her conversations. She wanted to be noticed. She is thin. She drank those Starbucks milky-looking drinks out of glass bottles and ate tootsie pops.
One old man farted, a big long loud fart and no one died but I was worried momentarily. Several people came and went. They were there for maybe an hour. Most of them looked normal, and were pleasant and most looked like they had hair of some kind. Some were younger, most looked older.
Everyone I spoke with except the "thin, NOTICE-ME woman" gained weight with cancer. I told Chris that if I can still eat and don't get too nauseous, I am hoping to be too fatigued to get the fridge. One way or the other, I have my special chemo weight goal n the back of my mind at all times.
They gave me too much Benedryl to counter-act the taxol (allergic reactions are reported in many people) and warned me that my face would turn red which it did. But the benedryl made me very groggy. I was slurring my words. I shut up. I was tired. I slept a long time and awoke at 3:30am and got up to read.
From what I have heard and read, different people react differently to the chemicals, however, for most folks going through the regimen I've been given, tomorrow is D-day for nausea and joint pain that should last several days.
I wanted to write a short blurb today. I am at work. I feel okay. My main nourishment for now is Tums. My next chemo is on Christmas Eve.
I now have something the nurses referred to as "chemo brain," it makes one forgetful and cloudy. I feel it already.