Today was my halfway point in chemo. I have three sessions left. Yay.
I got home not too long ago. I feel barfy but I'm okay because I know that later, I will feel barfier. I'm trying to write this while I can still sit up. I slept most of the day in the chemo room. My chemo session takes from 8:30am until 1:30pm. I am the earliest to arrive and one of the latest to leave. There was one very young girl in the room today. She was wearing a wig. Most all of the patients have ports in their chests which means to me that they are getting frequent chemo treatments. I hardly spoke with anyone. I don't have or want a port.
The annoying bald lady was there and NO - I AM NOT REFERRING TO MYSELF when I write that. She is the original annoying bald lady that I wrote about previously. She has had more chemo than I have had and she's perky and thin, so I hate her automatically due to her thinness. She also has a nicely shaped head without big dents in it and yes, I am writing about me when I write DENTS IN MY HEAD. But my head still looks cool. The big dent is in back. I can't see it. That's all that matters. Do you realize how much our heads act like chimneys? Without hair, the bodies heat shoots right out of the top of a person's head, and when I have hot flashes, I swear you can see the steam.
I stopped at Katz Cancer Center to talk to them about nutrition for chemo patients and asked why I am gaining weight with this chemo because I am gaining weight with this chemo (dammit!) and the nasty steroids they make us take. The night before chemo you take 5 pills, the morning of the chemo, you take 5 more pills, and during chemo, they inject you with the same steroids. I've put on about 7 lbs since the treatment on Christmas Eve. While I was at Katz, I picked up a free wig so now I have two wigs that I probably won't wear. One makes me look just like Shirley Jones when she was on the Partridge Family (and every time you've ever seen her), and as I told my sister, this new one is long and makes me look as if I don't own a hair brush. I'm not sure you know this but wigs feel awful. Bald is so much more refreshing and there are no hairs in your food unless they belong to your boyfriend or your cat. And my half inch hair is silver. It's pretty. I like it.
I still have a cold. I found out that I had strep throat late last week, so today I finished my antibiotics and I finally have my voice back somewhat. I was really beginning to get a complex about not being able to speak. It seemed like when I was really suffering and sad and wanted to talk about it or cry about it, my voice would completely disappear conveniently enough for anyone who was within earshot but this was really annoying to me. I decided that the Universe just wanted me to shut up and although that was my decision (and not really some universe), I was still pissed about not being able to talk when I most needed to say something. (Thank goodness for the written word, however, I did not want to bore you with that drama more than that little bit I just wrote about.)
I don't know what this all means because I have chemo-brain and can't analyze as usual -- just one more thing that makes me an annoying bald lady. Somethings I know for sure is I only have 3 sessions left, I am still alive, and I have a voice (at least for this day) and I am grateful for those small things.