I have been attending a cancer support group. Last night was the third meeting. There is one person who really bugs me. But is that one person me? I am the common denominator in all this drama.Seems like this is the way with support groups, at least that has been my experience. I mean if I didn't attend -- no one would bug me. But because I attend -- one person bugs me. Is it my attending that bugs me or is it me who bugs me because I attend?
If I stayed home, would I be bugged? At least at home I'd not be bugged by someone I don't know. Am I bugged because this person is so much like me? Like I'm looking in a mirror during the support group and I don't like what I see?
If I don't go to a support group, am I supported or am I in denial? If I go to a support group only to grouse about individuals who grouse in the support group is that supportive? If an individual grouses about their everyday life during the support group is that support for others in the group? If I have limited time on the planet, and we all do, should I waste my limited time on a support group that takes up everyone's precious, limited time with grousing? Is it me who's only grousing while the others attending the support group are being supportive? Is it only my interpretation of the support that everyone is in the group to receive and to give something that I am labeling as a grouse?
I pontificated to the support group on how good (I think) I am with boundaries. I said something about how I don't do things I don't want to do. I acted like I had my shit together. One of the other people said, "You seem really intuitive and insightful." Another woman said, "I like when you sit next to me. I feel you are really strong. I get strength from you."
A few minutes later I had to confess that I was a liar because I was sitting there in a room wondering why my lack of tolerance and compassion for something I perceive to be whining feels tested each time I attend.
I have to continue to go to the support group in order to learn the identity of the whiner. I will keep you posted. I pray it's not me though I have doubts.
7 comments:
I know exactly what you mean - people that bother me the most bother me because they share character defects that I really hate about myself...except George Bush.
Sometimes you need the group, and sometimes the group needs you. It looks like, fortunately, it's the second example, and I hope it stays that way!
It's so cool that instead of just being irritated at the grouser, you're using their pain-in-the-assness to do some personal reflection.
I expect the truth is that they're just annoying, but by keeping an open mind and looking at your own stuff, you're at least keeping it interesting.
Is it just the grousing, or the things they're grousing about? I know my patience wears thin when people complain about dumb things.
Keep up the fine detective work POD. The whole point of this exercise is to get your emotions moving and a feeling of worth among cancer peers. Looks to me that the group is doing the intended. Being pissed is one of the emotions that makes you feel alive. It's all good if you look at the global. :)
Would you like a little cheese with that "whine"? ;)
You must be a Libra or something.
You remind me of myself sitting in rehearsal furiously judging other people's sense of pitch and feeling like they aren't paying enough attention. And then I surreptitiously drag out my Korg tuner to see if I'm singing in tune myself...
I know what you mean. It's hard to see traits you hate in someone else and recognize them in yourself. This post made me smile. I know it probably wasn't meant to, I think it's just because I could relate to what you were saying. And I love how you write!
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