Brownie owns a great car and she knew how to drive -- with this car group, those traits are prerequisites for a perfect relationship. This woman has some of the qualities of an enchantress merely by knowing *how* to drive fast. If she had stuck with the car and the driving, along with Chris's perception of her intelligence, she would do fine. Though it seemed as though she thinks that in order for her to get a man interested, she must behave giggly and helpless, traits that make me sick to my stomach. Her giggle was excruciating, after the nine thousandth time.
During the trip I witnessed several feigned femme fatale acts where it was obvious she was in want of rescue. That's why she wanted Chris to buy her brownies. Isn't that cute? It was just freakin weird. Brownie had also asked Chris to meet her near her condo so she'd have someone with which to drive up to the city. After seeing her car and watching her drive, she could go toe to toe with anyone of these guys. Chris told her to meet us at another designated spot. After that, Chris heard nothing from her. (Not so helpless after all I guess) Chris isn't clueless. He's just not on the market.
The seductive move of Brownie's (that I'm putting in my how-to-get-a-date book) was when she accidentally locked her keys inside her convertible which was open. She squealed, near hysterics, "Oh, my door is locked. My keys are locked in my [opened, convertible] car! Oh, who can help me?"She could have leaned over and unlocked her car door. Or she could have jumped inside like a B movie-star over the side door, into the seat and got her keys out of the ignition but several men were standing nearby, ready to save the day. In the meantime, I had to go back to our hotel where I had left my camera inside the room. Our key had been locked inside the room - we had checked out already, leaving the key inside. From the door, I could see the key. I took the window screen off, climbed halfway inside the room, pulled the table over to me, grabbed the key and unlocked the door. No man was going to save me by doing anything different than I had done in the exact same situation.
There are lots of single men that go on these car tours so Brownie was smart to get involved (if she wants to spend every weekend doing car-related things if she wants to see her man). She could have gone to church, joined a bowling league or started a canasta club. These guys like cars and they like to drive their cars. Thankfully, one of them likes me. Well actually, I think maybe more than one of them likes me though he's in his 70s and I'm not so keen on driving around with an older (than Chris) guy. The old guy might seize up during the trip. Or expect sex. Ugh.
Brownie seemed desperate for a man -- enough so that during the first tour group trip she went on, she volunteered to be one of the guy's (I'll call him Hannibal) roommate at a hotel. Poor Hannibal, did not know what to make of Brownie though they became friends on Facebook. When I talked to Hannibal during this particular trip, post some tequila, Hannibal said he didn't know 'if [he] was interested." Brownie is about 14 years older and Hannibal didn't know if he could get past that age difference. Hannibal is conflicted.
In discussion with Chris about this, Chris thought Hannibal should just "go for it" and advised Hannibal as such. I warned Hannibal that sometimes "going for it" will find you inside a baggie on the top shelf of Jeffrey Dahmer's freezer. I do not recommend people "go for it." Then again, I don't have a penis, the "go for it" geiger counter du jour.
15 comments:
entirely classic.
and, for me, entirely befuddling (the giggling and pretending to be helpless).
and entirely inappropriate (stay away from our PODs man. nonono on the condo lure ;)).
and Hannibal? do we know what happened there?
if he went for it?
is he zipped in a baggie??
do tell.
Gotta trust the gut! My father's second wife was one of those women. It lasted a year. They can't keep the act up forever and when the facade comes down, you quickly realize why they created it in the first place.
Whenever someone says Jeffrey Dahmer, my brain hears Wesley Snipes say his line from Demolition Man: "Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy!" Sick, I know.
So far Hannibal is still conflicted. He said, "we'll see."
He referred to her as his "shadow" for the weekend.
And Chris didn't fall for any of it. He was too busy trying hard to make the trip a success for everyone involved.
I can't get enough of your take on Brownie. I too have see the likes of brownies before and can't stand the helpless attitude used for trolling.
OMG!
This post was hilarious!
You made that up, didn't you, about her locking her keys in her convertible with the top down?
Was she wearing a miniskirt and high heels?
Were the windows up?
Who saved her?
Hannibal? (to be forever known as Hero Hannibal of the long arms....?)
And I'm sure Chris made the trip a success for everyone. Well, except maybe Brownie.
If no-one is zipped into a baggie, it all ended well.
Locked in an open convertible...oh the horror. (Yeah, did you make that up?)
I raised my three girls to be adventurous and self-reliant! I (and they) rock.
No, I didn't make up the open convertible.
Unlike the saying, "A stiff dick has no conscious," mine still has :-)
I guess it's a women thing so I don't understand, but this all seems pretty catty to me.
Dr J.... It's not a woman thing.
Tom gets it.
Ever since I read "The Sociopath Next Door," I see sociopaths everywhere. Well, whenever I hear or read about manipulative people, I tend to think "another sociopath." One infiltrating a group can cause a lot of trouble before they're done. Something about brownie is raising your hackles. Trust your gut.
As for your 75-y-o fan,
I'm usually the old man magnet at our social functions. Fine with me because if there's anyone I like to spend time talking with more than smart kids, it's smart old men.
Sorry, I'll work on getting it :-)
Well, you gotta love the old guys, tho don't cry for them, most of their competition is gone by the time they get old! They don't really need to fish in younger waters, but they can do so successfully if they are intelligent (i.e. go slow, slide in be friends first, don't take it personally, cook, fix, shop, attend to the neglected bits...)
As for me - its not so much just old guys (they usually just want the super hot skirts) When I was 30 something, one 70-something guy asked me over to dinner on the pretext of reviewing each others photography work. His was all 60s pot haze abstract - out of focus, chemical stains on the fading prints. But I was tactful and looked for any interesting aspect. He wrote off my large format landscape work as "calendar art" after viewing one or two and then proceeded to share that tho he had enough children, he could be convinced to have another if the conditions were right .... I brushed off the dog hair and went home. I didn't even realize it was a date - I wouldn't have gone if I wasn't very confident that I could "take him" if need be.
More typically, old drunk guys plop down next to me when I'm stretching my excessively ample thighs or drinking from my water bottle on a break from a hard bike ride. I've heard it over and over "man, my life would have been so different if I'd just gone for a girl like you" instead of the hi maintenance bee-och (as Lisa Lampinelli would say) I guess.
So guys, the life lesson here is: don't get lured in by a brownie on a string.
Lisa..."brushed off the dog hair" killed me.
I'm dead.
Calendar art? He must have been trying to get you in the sack with that tidbit.
Love that Lisa Lampinelli. My bf's kids say that I remind them of her. What a compliment. (Those sh*theads!)
If there is one thing I could strike from history, it would be the imperative phrase "Go for it!" which sprung up somewhere in the '70s.
As a cautious individual, I've been impatiently hectored to "go for it" by impulsive individuals all my life.
No doubt I've missed out on some things; but I've noticed that the most vociferous proponents of "going for it" tend to end up with crazy girlfriends/evil boyfriends, have children out of wedlock, break down in the middle of nowhere and go bankrupt a great deal more than the rest of us.
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