"In the 'what not to say to cancer patients' category, I have a new one. Got it from a woman I already didn't like that much, and it arrived in an email that I got when I was just barely able to check emails. So maybe I wasn't in the best frame of mind. She was telling me all these details about her daughter's health, then said, "She has cancer, too, of the curable kind."
To anyone who's reading this post, please do everyone a favor ... if you know anyone who is fighting cancer, don't ever say things like [so and so has] "the curable kind."
11 comments:
Well now I don't like the seahag either.
POD, if you ever see me write something that is stupid and insensitive, feel free to rake me over the coals. Like you need permission! :-)
Love the glasses! Is that really you?
It seems some days as if the ranks of the FC (effing clueless) are the only thing that's experiencing growth in our current time.
Wow. That comment . . . that takes some serious chutzpah.
Explain to me why you are in contact with this woman?
I know that you know some stupid people, but I'm relieved to be able to say that the one who authored that little gem wasn't me (I don't have a daughter).
Whew.
Seriously, though, how can anyone be so freakin' insensitive?
This was not an email I received. It was a friend of mine. We often compare interesting tidbits that happen. But sometimes the public at large is not so conscious when it comes to illness.
At first I didn't quite get the gist - but I guess the implication was that her daughter had "the curable kind" as opposed to the person she sent the email to.
I'm all for having the curable kind myself. That's my position and I'm stickin' to it. But I didn't like it when I had the occasional conversation where it was pointed out that I might be in denial about my condition and that I might be in even more peril!
In my case I couldn't take the wat people would react when I told them that I had a cancer diagnosis - I was very quick to assure them that it was basically surgery and cure (I was so lucky not to need additional treatment)
However, I'm beginning to realise the fault in this strategy. Since you cant tell that I've had some guts ripped out, everybody believes me - I'm cured!
Its all:
"move on",
"put that damn yoke back on Beeotch!"
"Get down here and fix my damn fence or I'm, leaving it all to the church!"
"You go help dad- he likes you better! I only have 7 weeks of vacation left!"
and my favorite:
"We were a bit worried when you took so long to come back (2.5 weeks - my doctor had me ask for a month off) but now you are back up to speed (avg 10hrs of uncompensated overtime per week over the last 19 weeks) so we have another challenge for you (and then I look at the 18" stack of manuals that have been deposited on my desk) You won't have any trouble turning this around in 2 weeks - get up to speed and I'll get you the spec in a few days (spec arrives 12 days later ...)
they cured my cancer but my peoples are killin' me! & I really gotta get going on my taxes.
thankee thankee for the rant - i think it is ever so slightly on topic.
Precisely why I always say IM HERE TO LISTEN.
as I fear remarks like that escaping my lips merely because I WISH for them to be true.
I'm with Miz! Here to listen!!!! Now if I could just get the message to my mouth!
My cancer is the "good cancer" lol
(my endo told me this in a joking way...I take no offence to it but rather am grateful that if I am going to have cancer thank God it is one that is treatable)
I have had thyroid cancer 3 times now. I'm waiting for radiation treatment on Aug 10. It was postponed due to the medical isotope shortage here in Ontario.
I don't sweat having it being seen as a "good" cancer to get (in the sense that it's rarely a death sentence ~ papillary at least ~ and it's highly treatable.)
The one comment that DID get my goat however was when my neighbour ~ who has allergies ~ told me I was lucky to have cancer and not what she has ~said allergies. "At least mine can be cured." THAT was such an inane comment it left me speechless. I don't speak to this woman anymore.
She has to one-up even with illness. Pathetic.
I'd like to add that perhaps because it was my endo who termed it this way that I wasn't offended. He takes my disease & treatment of it very seriously.
despite despair, be well.
OOG. Fitcetera. That was awful. I've said some horrible things indadvertently in my life, but golly I'd never say anything as dumb as that. I hope...
POD, you have the greatest eyebrows of anybody I know.
I know people say all kinds of stuff. I also know their intentions, for the most part, are good. Maybe a class in how to say the best, kindest thing in school would help us. I certainly would have benefited from that. I try so hard, but do still say the wrong thing :-(
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