It's a new day (duh). Earlier this morning I took some fabulous pictures of Hannah. This one was taken through the window screen. Chris came home from Oregon late yesterday. He drove home in the heat of the day. He had a good time on his trip.
We broke up last night. Mostly he broke up with me. That was the mystery thing that had been encircling my world for the past week. I knew it was coming. We had discussed it. I was opposed.
I'd like to say something witty like "People come and go so quickly around here." But he and I have been in our relationship for 6.5 years. That's not very quick though when you are at our age, time flashes by in seconds.
Chris was a tremendous help to me all throughout the cancer and chemo experience. I am so incredibly grateful to him. He will never know because one cannot state their gratitude as much as show it. Chris is a very nurturing person though he might be tired of nurturing other people. It's time for him to nurture himself. I will miss him terribly. The silver lining to this cloud, is that I have obviously reached a point in my own physical health where I am healthy enough to dump. Who'd a thunk it?
Wherever we'd go in our travels together, we'd take silly pictures of ourselves. People would offer to take our picture but it was a silly tradition that I enjoyed. Last night after some crying and a lengthy discussion, we took this photo. It's not the most flattering picture but it's real life. There was some laughing and (a lot of) suffering. I am experiencing incredible grief today.
I wish Chris the best that life has to offer though I am 100% sure he's already had that with me. I look forward to the day he comes to his senses.
22 comments:
POD - I'm so sorry to hear this. I, too, hope he comes to his senses.
I wish I had some profound words of wisdom for you, but I don't. (I'm not sure if that is because I'm not very wise, or if it's because I'm not very profound, or if it's a combination thereof....)
The best I can come up with is that I am sending you good vibes and hope that you and Chris can work this out.
(And if you want me to come and break his legs, I can do that, too.)
:( Well I can honestly say "I know how you feel" ...you know that..and know amount of words can take the sting away...except maybe.."Hello, it's Chris and I came to my sense's!!" But if this helps in any way, I Love You!!
took my breath away ...
I'm sorry, POD.
I'm so sorry - sending you strength to get through this. Hugs to you, POD.
Ugh, heartbreak.
I don't have a smart remark, just know that I am in awe of your ability to keep it real. And your ability to keep it civil.
...And I'm even more jealous of the fact that you can look so good after spending an evening in tears.
Thanks for the kick in the pants today. I did my exercise and ate all of my fruits and veggies. And fed the kids cereal for dinner (something has to fall through the cracks).
I'm so sorry to hear about your break up.
I hope he comes to his senses and realizes what he is giving up before it is too late.
I am so sorry to hear that. Not sorry that you are healthier, but sorry it had ended. Perhaps that's why the "uninvite" to Oregon. He needed to think. I'm sorry he thought in the wrong direction! Hugs to you!!!
Don't know why, but this was like a punch in the gut. I'm sorry this has happened. :(
Damn.
I'm so, so sorry to hear.
There may well be a very good chance he will come to his senses, and even if he doesn't, this may all lead you to a better place.
But crap, I know none of that is any help right now.
You have touched the lives of so many of us through your words--just know that we are all thinking of you and wishing there were some way we could make it better.
Crap. I am trying really hard not to cry. It doesn't seem right. Something about the picture...seems like you belong together. Maybe it is just a "break", and not a break-up. I know your heart is aching, and mine is aching for you POD.
I hate that you're feeling this way.
I think you're so smart to feel all the thing that you are feeling - rather than numbing them in all the ways they can be numbed. You are a strong and vibrant woman...and I know that this, too, shall pass. It doesn't make it easier, but sometimes it makes the moment more bearable.
Take care of yourself during this tough time.
Lots of love and hugs,
Anne
I'm sorry, POD!
This is from my post on the loss of my Mom. I hope you will look at this book.
Everyone has to face the loss of a loved one. It is considered by many to be one of the greatest stressors in our lives. We all have to deal with our loss in our own individual way. I ran into short book years ago, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love," which has sat idle, I’m happy to say, on the shelf for most of the time.
It discusses all types of losses, from the loss of a loved one or a love, the death of a friendship or a friend, a divorce or a separation, to the losses of aging. The authors then cover the stages of recovery, surviving, healing and finally growing beyond our loss.
This book is unusual as it’s written by a psychologist, a physician and a poet. The brief, intuitive style including advice, support, and poetry make it a very accessible tool for difficult times.
Oh Boo! I hate when that happens!
I also have no profound words of wisdom, but I did run across this very informative article - Perhaps it might help:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/07/13/pain_relief/
Oh well, you still have all of us - your adoring fans. If you are ever in the Boston area let me know. I will buy you a cocktail or two. (sadly that's the best I can do as I am a girl - but hey - you can be the "cute one" !)
BTW: the non-bot verification "word" for this post is, very ironically: ** rational **
take care.
Damn it, theres not getting around it, change is always hard, even though you know its coming and there are parts of you that support it. And when that choice has been taken away from you, its best to embrace it (however reluctantly) and find the positive while we pay our respects to our grief. You will have to grieve, no getting around it, but somehow I don't think this is the end of your relationship with Chris, I just think its going through growing pains... Maybe in the end this will be an opportunity for your to really focus on the things you want to do with the rest of your life and focus solely on YOU for a change - in the end, Chris will value you all the more for the more vibrant and intersting person you become (not that you aren't pretty darn vibrant and interesting now).... Hang in there, hope to see you soon. XOXO Mac
Jesus.
I will say more later when I can think of something.
Love.
I don't know what to say, so I'll say, best of luck. Here's hoping Chris comes to his senses. He just might. I wonder if he doesn't know how to manage his boundaries very well, maybe needed a little space but overreacted.
you know Im thinking about you.
if you have a moment.
are so moved.
wanna talk.
need an ear.
EMAIL ME TODAY
I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say but I just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking and praying for you.
Just checking in again to say I'm thinking of you. Hang in there!
As Paul Mccarthy sang, "We all stand together"! If nothing else, your world wide web friends are thinking of you and wishing with you for a good resolution to his inability to keep hanging on to the treasure that is you!!!!!!
Chris Schmis! I have just read your blog again after an absence. I am very sorry that suffering sometimes outweighs the laughter.......I hope him and satan are very happy together!! keep your blogaliscious chin up!! XXXXX
Damn. Stop reading blogs for a few days and look what happens.
The fool.
I'm sorry to read this. I wish I had something more original/supportive to write besides that.
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