I went out with some good friends last night. We went to a wine (whine?) bar. Spending my evening out with them reminded me of the things I had given up in order to be in a relationship even though no one ever asked me to give them up. Mostly, and throughout much of my relationship with Chris, these friends were far removed from my sight; Chris probably didn't really remember that these friends existed. But was that up to him to remember? I never pushed the matter. We did more things around his car groups and friends than we ever did with my friends. It was as if I had no friends. Chris and I went out as a group with these people once in 6 years. Chris said he didn't feel all that comfortable with them. Different interests mostly -- that was probably part of it. No car talk.It's interesting to observe the sacrifice made inside of relationships in an attempt (though it does not feel attempted) to please a partner. At least that's what I thought I was doing --pleasing my partner, putting his needs first before mine. Does sacrifice even come close to pleasing a partner especially if he or she has no clue that you're sacrificing things or friendships to be with him? I wonder if the attempt is merely control in disguise? Lots of questions.
I have a date on Friday night. I'm not quite giddy about it but we shall see how life progresses for me. I know it's soon but I am doing things that I would not normally do like I said in yesterday's post where I stated I was cleaning my windows (for clarity.) I'm moving forward, one foot in front of the other.
8 comments:
It's funny; I just commented on your last post that a couple of years ago I went through a break-up (his idea) and had very similar experiences. I'd have to add this to the list: rediscovering old friends, realizing that I hadn't seen much of them lately, and realizing further that it was because I was trying to make him comfortable. We spent a lot of time with his friends, but not with mine. And I don't know about you, but I gave up my friends almost unconsciously. I was surprised when I realized how much time had passed without seeing them.
I do know that for me, that particular guy was a blessing, though: he taught me what I was worth, took care of me when I needed it and then turned me loose to realize how much stronger I'd become. (Took me a while to realize that last part, though.)
I, too, have given up a few of my friends - partly because I moved out of the city, and partly because some of the friends moved far away after I moved. Most of our friends now are friends he had before we met, or friends we have made as a couple.
Funny how that works.
As we say in Oz 'On Ya!' (That is slacko Aussie speak for 'good on you"). 'ON YA' for touching base with your old friends and for getting out there and having fun with new ones. Onward and upward!!.XX
P.S I really dig the psychadelic you! Is that reflective of the array of colours that are about to be expressed or burst into your life????
P.P.S Know what, who needs a man to change your tyre? (that's how we spell it in oz) I would rather have a man who would not tire of me and vice versa!
From the other side: a lot of guys who aren't all that social end up letting the woman organize the social life, and eventually start wondering why they're always hanging out with _her_ friends. There's no blame to assign here, just roles we fall into.
That said, I belong to a "men's group" that regularly meets one evening a week to have dinner and discuss manly things -- which is generally nothing more than the usual guy talk. Been doing it for ten years. It's a good way to make sure you don't completely abdicate your separate social life.
I can't wait to hear how the date went??????
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how was friday night?
Just checkin' in on ya. Makin' sure all is well.
dearest Pod..I shall think of you enjoying the companionship of another, a new other, if even for an evening!
Yes, it is difficult to realize when in the midst of a situation just how much we give to it, or how much we give up (not a sacrifice) in order to be with another -
We spent our week end with one of my best friends who has a new lesbian lover for the first time in a very long time..like several years. I wonder just how much difference there is between same sex friends and hetero friends. Am not sure..
love you..massively..and over and over again as long as one of us is still alive..and maybe after that too..if I can figure out how.
annielaural
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