Traveling alone feels new to me though when I worked in Silicon Valley, I'd travel alone to conferences, (went to NYC twice and didn't die from that). Those days seem like a life time ago. Many life events have transpired.
I am more fearless than scared today. I went to a retreat years ago and remembered coming home feeling high from attending. What a let down reality seemed afterward. I met a woman at that retreat who became a friend and then, around the time of Greg's death, she told me she did not want to be friends any longer. That was my first recollection of being dumped. I was too busy with Greg dying to be concerned at the time but I never forgot that experience. I believe she had been traumatized or was still grieving someone else's death. She couldn't handle the heat. Either that or I smelled bad.
At this retreat they're going to have us meditate. Oh, and yoga. Cliche but...I'm going to go with the flow. I have been resistant to meditation in the past -- yet I don't feel that resistance any longer. I feel like doing anything and everything to get going - start another part of my journey. I've read the suggested books, (I highly recommend the book When Things Fall Apart -hello are you there, God, it's me, POD?) listened to CDs, and meditated a few times. From visiting the website, I understand that upon seeing the Great Stupa, I will be liberated. Too much captivity goin on! I hope this liberation comes true though I've also read that it is good practice to abandon hope. To be hopeful robs us of the present moment. And there are so few truly present moments. Or maybe it's that we are truly present only a few moments.
I'm going to keep my mind open, my heart open, my mouth shut (during crucial times) and my laptop open occasionally so I can write though we will have no online access and no access to phones. I can't even call my mommy.
I am attempting to take this journey as it comes. What a concept.
And even though I mentioned abandoning hope, I cannot abandon writing that I hope they serve coffee.