Practice Makes Poifect

“Don’t underestimate the things in your life that bring you happiness.”

Pema Chödrön

I went to a compassionate communication class. "What goes on there, stays there" -- so I am not at liberty to mention specifics (lots of juicy gossip) though I will elaborate on how much I enjoy the class content, the instructor, the students; all older people who seem to really want to be in this class. By older I mean, there may be a younger person in their 40s though everyone else seems to be in and beyond midlife. On a Wednesday evening, books in hand, earnest, these students show up, and are committed to a less violent way of speaking to themselves, about themselves and other people. (I will get with the program eventually!) I am stunned by some of the things that take place both within the classroom and outside based on what I have learned.

Sometimes I find myself in a sort of verbal purgatory where I am conscious, yet at a total loss for words -- floating (not quite floating, too big to float) in a space where I cannot speak because I am taking time to consider *how* I will relay my feelings or make a request (specific, do-able & with a time limit). I want to practice what I have learned in conversation yet I find myself wrestling for an explanation as to why I cannot say anything in the moment. I figure if I am conscious yet confused, it's best to keep the sock in it. I don't want what I say to sound canned so instead of canning, I choose mute. This may be one of those "you had to be there" stories though this two hour class flies by, there is laughter, fun and serious situations, sometimes painful, hurtful and human - overall an amazing class. Though perhaps it's only amazing because I finally made the time to put myself in the personal space to take notice.

An incident that happened where I was able to use what I learned took place with regard to my leaving Chris's house on Saturday after our bike ride. The afternoon I spent with him was fine. We shared good conversation and a good meal. Though when it came time to leave, I felt incredible sadness. I didn't want to stay there -- don't get me wrong, the relationship that was, isn't. I felt overcome with a feeling of rejection. But rejection is not a feeling. Rejection is something that we choose. The feeling behind the idea of rejection is sadness. As I was backing my car up to leave, I knew I had a choice about how to feel. I could feel sad which I did and it was okay. Though I was adding drama with the idea of rejection. It was like throwing gasoline on the fire...(ya think?) As I continued driving away, I observed the facts. I was driving away, leaving Chris's house. I felt sad. Okay. But there was no rejection in that. Eventually there will only be driving away and no sadness, and some day there may be no driving away.

I've been listening to Pema Chodron's 'Don't Bite the Hook' -- I am trying her idea of a cheerfulness practice. I don't go around with a fake smile on my face (like usual). This practice is more along the lines of taking notice of positive things; paying attention and filing the things I see, taste or feel that are a pleasant experience -- in my brain. Pema says this will help create a place of warmth and inner strength to help through more difficult times. Plus she says people will want to hang out with me more. (um - ground control to Major Tom -- Help me with the throngs at my door.)

When I'm not in class, and sometimes when I am driving home from school (so don't pull out in front of my car!), I practicing being more alert to the evening sky, the stars, the sound of crickets, the colors of leaves, the way a warm (and I do mean, warm) breeze feels on my skin. Maybe it's the taste of something good to eat - last night it was my favorite soup. Truly making an effort to experience life instead of taking the small things for granted. Pema claims that through this practice we will find ourselves more present in the world, more easily touched by others (and no -- not touched in the head), appreciative and grateful for the beauty in our lives. Anyway, I figure this sort of practice can't hurt me or anyone nearby if I practice it. This cheerfulness practice 'tis a far better thing than the old practice of putting my head in the freezer to see if there's any ice cream.

One person with which I'm very close (my mom) expressed concern about all this practice and compassion that I've taking on. (It's not like I wasn't compassionate before. I just tried to ignore it a bit.) She's a bit worried that I won't be able to be compassionate and still keep a sense of humor. At last night's class, the room shared raucous laughter of our similar criticisms of ourselves and others, depending on the real life situation. We went so far as to act some of them out. (As class clown I'm designated actor too - annoying yet still amusing enough to pass, except to that one guy who sort of made a criticism about my clowning. And now we know why he's in the class.)

It feels as though I could be on to something. I may have discovered a language that allows authenticity and compassion along with humor. This language I'm learning makes me feel as if I have arrived home after a long, dusty trip. So I'll tell you what -- I'm going to strive for enough consciousness and compassion toward myself to see humor as one of those wondrous, joyful occasions I notice throughout my day while trying out this new practice and I bet I do just fine.