“Don’t underestimate the things in your life that bring you happiness.”
I went to a compassionate communication class. "What goes on there, stays there" -- so I am not at liberty to mention specifics (lots of juicy gossip) though I will elaborate on how much I enjoy the class content, the instructor, the students; all older people who seem to really want to be in this class. By older I mean, there may be a younger person in their 40s though everyone else seems to be in and beyond midlife. On a Wednesday evening, books in hand, earnest, these students show up, and are committed to a less violent way of speaking to themselves, about themselves and other people. (I will get with the program eventually!) I am stunned by some of the things that take place both within the classroom and outside based on what I have learned.
Sometimes I find myself in a sort of verbal purgatory where I am conscious, yet at a total loss for words -- floating (not quite floating, too big to float) in a space where I cannot speak because I am taking time to consider *how* I will relay my feelings or make a request (specific, do-able & with a time limit). I want to practice what I have learned in conversation yet I find myself wrestling for an explanation as to why I cannot say anything in the moment. I figure if I am conscious yet confused, it's best to keep the sock in it. I don't want what I say to sound canned so instead of canning, I choose mute. This may be one of those "you had to be there" stories though this two hour class flies by, there is laughter, fun and serious situations, sometimes painful, hurtful and human - overall an amazing class. Though perhaps it's only amazing because I finally made the time to put myself in the personal space to take notice.
An incident that happened where I was able to use what I learned took place with regard to my leaving Chris's house on Saturday after our bike ride. The afternoon I spent with him was fine. We shared good conversation and a good meal. Though when it came time to leave, I felt incredible sadness. I didn't want to stay there -- don't get me wrong, the relationship that was, isn't. I felt overcome with a feeling of rejection. But rejection is not a feeling. Rejection is something that we choose. The feeling behind the idea of rejection is sadness. As I was backing my car up to leave, I knew I had a choice about how to feel. I could feel sad which I did and it was okay. Though I was adding drama with the idea of rejection. It was like throwing gasoline on the fire...(ya think?) As I continued driving away, I observed the facts. I was driving away, leaving Chris's house. I felt sad. Okay. But there was no rejection in that. Eventually there will only be driving away and no sadness, and some day there may be no driving away.