Best Laid Schemes

I'm a big planner. Planning affords the illusion of control of which I know (fer shure) I have little. So along with friend I've known since I was 5 years old, PK, we've planned a trip this weekend to celebrate our existence, Halloween, our friendship, new friends and faded anniversaries.

We will drive to Sonora ("Queen of the southern mines") to meet another friend who is a writer/author. Saturday, we drive to Murphys, ("Queen of the Sierra") where we may take part in a cemetery walk. We also have the option of dinner at Murphy's Historic Haunted Hotel. (I added the haunted part.) On Sunday, a quick road trip to Yosemite (Queen of National Parks - I made up the subtitle) to see some autumn splendor. Yosemite should be beautiful this time of year. Finally, we'll stop in Copperopolis ("Hidden Gem of the Sierra Foothills") (too small a town to have a website) to see Sherri on Monday. Then a short drive back home to the bay area.

Sherri's husband, Howard died Wednesday night --nothing like putting a damper on things, Howard! Early Wednesday email, I wrote telling Sherri that we would come by to visit them on Monday. Then Howard took a turn for the worse mid-day Wednesday -- at the mere thought of a visit from me, he started going downhill. I asked Sherri if she thought that by just knowing I was going to make an appearance was that what encouraged him to go? She laughed, and wrote that if he really knew I was coming, he'd stick around longer. Then he died. So much for having a positive effect. So much for the planning. To tell you the truth, if I were the one dying and I knew I was coming for a visit, I'd leave too!

Howard is my sister-in-law's father. He had been fighting cancer for a long time, on and off for years. He'd even gone to Germany to seek a cure though they didn't have one for him. I met Howard a few times at family functions, we never spoke much. I became friends with Howard's wife, Sherri, through her experience knowing Howard was dying because Sherri occasionally read my blog and knew that I had helped Greg die. If helping Greg die made me an expert on the subject, I'll take it!

I am more sad for Sherri (and my family members who were close to Sherri and Howard) than Howard. Howard suffered enough. Sherri has a great sense of humor and used humor to get through much of Howard's illness and dying. People handle death and dying as well as they can, especially when it's your first time. How to act, what emotions come out are all guess work. I told Sherri in email that I felt I should be more reverent instead of trying to be funny along with her. She said it helped her focus in his last hours. Sherri wrote, "Reverence has NO place at this stage, only puns n laughter if you knew Howard you'd know he'd agree - no one could laugh like Howard!" Howard finally finds much deserved relief from suffering, while Sherri's life is changed in ways she never imagined. We will stay good friends.

If everything is okay, we'll visit Sherri on Monday. I told PK to bring funeral clothes just in case. This time the cemetery walk could be for real.

"Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste,

An' weary winter comin fast,

An' cozie here, beneath the blast,

Thou thought to dwell,

Till crash! the cruel coulter past

Out thro' thy cell."

Robert Burns To a Mouse