"It's not you, it's me."
Random Doofus
When that line was used on me, about 3 weeks post break-up, I said, Your not being attracted to me ... "has nothing to do with me. I haven't changed. I'm still the same person." I shrugged my shoulders when he added that he didn't want to hurt my feelings - I guess by admitting that he was no longer attracted to me, my feelings were supposed to be hurt - worse? I was already hurt enough - smacked upside my til-death-do-you-part, committed stupor I must have been in as the drama unfolded.
I mean, duh.
Although this has nothing to do with creepy politicians and people who are too unconscious to be around another person's illness, I leave (pun) you with my photo of "leaves."
Anyway, I found this article/opinion today and think it's interesting, "Cancer is killing my sex life" -- My partner says he's just not attracted to me "right now." I was thinking about that jackass politician who dumped his wife while she was in the hospital dying of cancer. What kind of creep does stuff like that!? Oh, yeah, that was Newt Gingrich, and then John Edwards pulled something similar. Dammit. I wonder if I would stick by someone? I mean, knowing what I know now after my own illness?
Although this has nothing to do with creepy politicians and people who are too unconscious to be around another person's illness, I leave (pun) you with my photo of "leaves."
One person's fence is another man's art.
6 comments:
Dahling, you already DID stick by someone who was terminally ill, didn't you? (Or is there something you're not telling me?)
Some people simply do not have the intestinal fortitude (as my dear momma used to say) to stand by and watch a loved one battle a terminal illness.
And some people are just f**king asshats. (Ass-Newt-hats???)
But as far as "I'm just not attracted to you anymore" goes, why yes, yes I have heard that, and yes indeedy, it is painful. Almost as painful as "I married you because I thought you were going to inherit a lot of money, but it's taking too long for your parents to die". (Not that I have ever heard that line. At least, not more than once.)
Is it more hurtful to hear those words or to come to the sorry realisation that their actions say it louder? I don't know.
But, it is about them really, not a reflection of how attractive/unattractive you are.
And a person who isn't there for you through thick and thin isn't worth having there anyway. I think.
You are so right that it's not about you.
And why is it assumed that people in long-term relationships will be forever physically "attracted" like honeymooners? Doesn't work that way in my experience. I'm certainly not as attracted or attractive to the Lobster after almost 20 years, but to me that's not what real love is about. I might daydream about some cute girl or other (as might the Lobster) but we wouldn't trade each other for the world. Sorry, but sometimes men are such babies.
At least he didn't pull the "I never loved you" bit that 90% of men use when they no longer are attracted to their mate.
I think that illness changes a person. They may be different during and after the illness and that can be uncomfortable for their mate. It's not the person they "signed up" for. KWIM?
I don't think it's anyone's fault, it just happens. At least he was honest. There were many different ways it could have been handled that could have hurt much, much worse.
I thought the article was interesting. And illness seems to be one of the things that separates the men from the boys (so to speak). It could be the women from the girls or the mice from the men.
any of those combos.
hmm - everyone is right [isn't that nice?]. But one thing I have come to understand is that the person who isn't ill sometimes has a harder time of it than the person who IS. They don't know what to do. Or how to behave. It's not like cancer is a slight cold is it?
I'm lucky - my t'other half is amazing. But even he struggles sometimes [I am sure some days he would quite like to shoot me - some days I would quite like to shoot me].
But there's ways and ways of 'leaving' a person. Some people are just prats no matter what.
Post a Comment