Chain of Dreams

I had a dream about the "X" that seemed to last much of the night though from what I have read, dreams don't work that way. In the middle of the night, I woke up,  drank some water, realized I was in the middle of a dream, had a giggle about it and fell back asleep, continuing to dream more of the dream. I dunno -- maybe I dreamed that I woke up and drank water.

According to my dream, the X is getting married to an aging stripper named Heather. He proudly showed me a photo of his financier fiancé. Instead of any clothing, Heather's body was "dressed" in a fine, thin chain. One could not see Heather's face in the photo (hmm, very telling). Glancing at the photo, one could see Heather's right butt cheek, her lithesome, sexy leg, (the exact opposite of mine - with lymphedema), draped sensuously with the glittery chain. Flowing down Heather's right shoulder, was a mane of luxurious, long curls  (again, opposite of mine). A come -hither (Heather?) flower poised suggestively above her right ear - such graceful feminine attributes. What I could actually see of Heather was lovely. And I could tell he was so in love with her. In the dream I felt happy for him. I spoke to him in a kind, compassionate, caring way.


While we discussed the pending nuptials, he gushed, saying that he was "pretty sure that she was 'The One!" For a quick moment I felt compelled to warn him, "in time, you'll tire of Heather." Still in the dream, I kept my mouth shut (so out of character!) "Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool,..." (Though I'm unsure as to why I am concerned with being thought a fool in my dreams as opposed to real life.)

I felt warm inside listening to him discuss the future. While listening, he told me that he had ended his "relationship" with the woman with whom he had kicked me to the curb because although he enjoyed sex with her (and any willing participant), he mentioned that she was mean. Since this dream was coming out of my psyche, I was thinking this was really me telling me I was mean though I think it was really me telling me that *I thought* that *he thought* I was mean. (wow, confusing sh*t!) (and really, who cares?) Notice how *me* is part of the word mean? And the word mean also as an in it, and so does my name? Those two letters are right next to each other. It's a sign. (Yeah, a sign that says, "Enough already!") This is beginning to look like an episode of the Twilight Zone.

There are many theories about dreams and their interpretation. I pick and choose what to believe depending on the dream and the day (which is pretty much how I pick anything I'm thinking) though I find Jung's dream theory intriguing and sometimes I consider Freudian dream theory. It depends. 


I know that my dreams are all ideas and projections from within my own twiddle-twaddled brain. I like to analyze (when I am really bored) symbols that arise in my dreams. For instance, the chains on Heather, even these fine, delicate chains symbolize enslavement, limitation and confinement. And the style (if I can call it that) of this dream reminded me of a dream I'd had months after my father died. Our entire family was grief-filled for months (if not years) over my father's sudden death (at age 59) from pneumonia while vacationing in Arizona at Seizure Leisure World.


In this particular dream, my father and I were floating down a river in a canoe. My hand was on my father's back, sort of stroking his back (something I would not have done in real life). I could feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, the sun's bright rays casting diamonds off of the surface of the water, almost blinding. In the dream, while stroking my father's back with a light, gentle touch, I could feel the sharp bones of his skeleton beneath his shirt. I was touching his skeleton. After awakening from that dream, I realized I had moved to acceptance of my father's death. 


I believe that this dream about the X shows acceptance too. The last seven months, painfully unexpected, and difficult beyond what I thought I was capable, yet here I am. Imagine that? What a gift to give myself this year!


Even though the dream took place inside my head, the thoughts came from my psyche and my thoughts weren't mean. It was a good dream and my dreams aren't always good. In the dream our conversation was gracious. I saw myself  interested in his happiness (with faceless Heather but still --- which btw no face means she can't speak). Upon waking, I felt a sad sort of kindness toward him. My heart is healing slowly on the crest of the first Valentine's Day (a silly, media-inspired day) I'll spend alone in years. And I'm so grateful to know that it's Heather who's draped in chains.  She can have 'em!