On Sunday, Hannah came over to my junkhouse and announced upon entering that "it is kind of clean in here." What a disappointment! Then Hannah and I played mess up the junkhouse, a fun game, so now there's crap all over the house and I am once again, redeemed.
Hannah's imagination is remarkable. Boxes become kitchen appliances, yard-art becomes a soup tureen, a fishnet is a spoon, and I have to eat the "soup." Because she's not my kid, I let her use her imagination which involves using whatever I own to help with her kid creations. But I'm beginning to think it's Hannah's who's the junkie.
After the day got too cold to be outside, we went inside the house. I sat down on the couch to rest because it's exhausting
We all grow up saying "I miss you" to people though I'm not sure I ever remember knowing exactly what that phrase meant before I first said it. So when Hannah said it, it got me thinking. It's more of a phrase we'd say based on a feeling we're experiencing. Similar to the phrase "I love you" comes from a bundle of feelings. We don't analyze the meaning beneath the phrase very often. We feel the feelings, and then we say "I love you" and sometimes after we've said it awhile, it begins not to mean that much at all -- sort of like white noise. It's something we take for granted, something in the background, and in some cases, something that means nothing to the person saying it or the person receiving it.
"I miss you..." was incredibly sweet coming from Hannah. I knew she meant it.
For me, it's been two years (almost to the day) post-chemotherapy. I'm happy to have this time to watch this precious little girl grow, and to experience all the big girl growth for myself. I wouldn't trade this time for anything, not the aches and pains of aging, the breakups or the letdowns because there is so much good in between bad, so much pleasure between pain, and incredible joy between sorrow.
So far my birthday plans involve a bit of tequila and a lemon poppyseed cake from The Buttery because both are mandatory (for me). I can't drink much so this tequila is more ceremony than celebratory though since it's my birthday there is celebration in that fact, regardless. I have made it this far! Next Saturday I'm going riding in a surrey bicycle in Pacific Grove with some of my favorite people on the planet -- though not all of my favorite people or you'd be going with us too!