Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Doctor! Doctor! Give Me the News

I went to the gynecological oncologist today to get my 6 month feel-up. "Remember if you're not getting a rectal, you're not getting your monies worth." I am, he told me, two and a half years post diagnosis. The longer you live... well, the longer you live. I'm just glad someone is keeping track.

The doctor was a half hour late in arriving after completing rounds. Upon entering the examination room, he immediately started speaking French, then explaining how I should respond to him in French (and really I should get one of those little French maid costumes and scare that him to death (by forcing him to wear it). Then we discussed how upbeat I am because I am incredibly upbeat; how much fun he has when I am in his office by comparison to the other grumpy, cancery, dying patients. 

He asked me how I was doing? I told him I have no pains though I did have a gain, and hoped the gain was the weight of my shoes. Alas.

I guess he's not ready to have an affair with me (and fly me to his villa in Rome) because my next appointment isn't scheduled until October. His actual words, "Any sooner and they get suspicious." Dammit.

I'm not sure he has the first clue what he's missing.



19 comments:

Shelley said...

Oh lord, that picture made me snort!

Margie M. said...

You are so right! He does NOT know what he is missing. The time of his life, I'd suspect! Glad things are going well and you do not have to return for an exam until the fall! Hooray for you!!!

Margie M. writes at:
www.myhealthylivingthruweightcontrol.blogspot.com

Roxie said...

Darling, darling picture! And he hasn't a clue....

Christine said...

I used to get pelvic ultrasounds (affectionately known as "the probe") but that stopped once they took my uterus out. I once suggested to the technican that she could at least "put a battery in that thing", but she didn't seem to enjoy my unique sense of humor. Oddly, I kind of miss it...

Barbara said...

Love this Post.

l'optimiste said...

a French speaking gyn/onc with a place in Rome?? oo lal la!!

this is too funny - you make me fall about laughing. God knows what you get up to at your appointments!! :o)
x

Helen said...

OK, so I DID snort at the picture. Only you could make me laugh about a gyno-oncologist appt.

Dr. J said...

I thought his villa was in Paris?

Is that some kind of blow up doll in the photo with you and Hannah? Is that what the GYN docs are giving away in their offices now-a-days? Must be the new health care bill.

happyfunpants said...

I heart this post (and the picture).

the Bag Lady said...

You crack me up.
I'd love to see you force that doctor to wear the french maid's costume!

POD said...

That is not a blowup doll. That's the dollhead I bought for Hannah from the Goodwill for 2 bucks. We already decorated her with all sorts of paint and "makeup". She's stunning! You are jealous.

My son thought she was a blow up doll too.

Dr. J said...

Your son and I are really twisted :-)

Oh, is she free Saturday evening?

sherry said...

I dunno...an affair w/your gyno? (I'm wearing the same expression as Hannah.)

Maybe if he spoke Italian & looked exactly like Adrian Brody. Even then...

love2eatinpa said...

lol! love your humor!

great appointment, congrats!

Kim said...

Laughing at Dr. J's comments! Yeah, I'm so happy to hear you won't be going back until October, although I'm still very sad for you that you won't be able to see doc in the french maid costume.

carla said...

oooh I have ff miles.
shall we just fly ourselves to the villa?

CherylK said...

This is a great post but the very best part is that you do not have to return to that French guy until October - yay!! Unless you have an affair with him, that is. In which case, the sooner the better.

I adore that picture of you and Hannah!

By the way, I forgot to say congrats on the new car.

Tricia said...

His loss, baby! Hi, I'm new here :) You seem funny so I'll probably stick around if that's cool...

Also, that picture is very awesome.

Dalai Grandma said...

I get the same "You're so upbeat" from my oncologist. I think he says this to all the girls, to make sure we are upbeat around him. You know, if they can't stand sad, mad women, they're in the wrong line of work. (Breast cancer 1997)