Can't Help But Notice

Plastic-wrapped standard poodles

I had a CT scan this morning. I'll get the results on Dec 14th. I had to wake up early and get the dog out of the house early. I didn't get to take her on our before work early morning jaunt. I had to not eat and only drink this gross snot-like substance - barium something or other. Did you ever notice how closely the word barium sounds like the phrase bury 'em? I noticed they both go well together. Barium, bury 'em, berry yum.

shrooms or stools?

Today I had a new technician for the first time since the cancer diagnosis. In the past I always had the same surfer dude/guy so I was a little unnerved. Not that this guy was new to the job, just new to me. It crossed my mind that it was the anniversary of the bombing at Pearl Harbor which I know had nothing to do with me but I thought of dropped bombs and my dead father-in- law who was there. I don't want the bomb to drop (so to speak) on me with these results. So I decided to keep track of all the things that felt or presented themselves as a bit unusual for the day.

I don't think I take notice of my surroundings as much as I'd like. I have read that there are people who pay attention to everything as if everything is a sign. And who am I to argue? So throughout the day I continued to take it all in.

When I arrived at work, instead of working much, I took Bella for a walk to the mailbox which is a steep downhill, then uphill walk, maybe a quarter to half mile total. On the walk (which I try to take daily if not several times a day) I noticed fresh toadstools. At the bottom of the big hill, I noticed that someone tried to cover up the dead baby deer with redwood duff. (Yeah, genius, a bit of duff will cover-up the stench of the carcass.)
I noticed that the amphibian that had tried to cross this remote private road was obliterated by tire tracks. Yesterday, I thought the amphibian was a pile of human barf but on closer inspection, I noticed the barf had a head. Today I noticed even the head was squished beyond recognition. All that remained of this life was a mucous-y coating on the road. I wonder if an amphibian family is missing that amphibian, wondering when he or she will arrive home? I wonder if they have their holidays planned and now they'll just be waiting and wondering.

Obliterated big leaf maple

I noticed since drinking the barium suspension for the scan that I really have to go to the bathroom. The technician told me the suspension would have that effect. The suspension was killing me. I notice I'm not able to work much when I'm in the bathroom. To compensate for a lack of work, I try to *think* about my work. Then I notice that thinking about work helps me go to the bathroom more.

This afternoon, I noticed that work is very quiet. The phones aren't ringing. My sister went to pick up Hannah (the light of my life in addition to Bella (notice how both names end the same?) ;-)  Obama has compromised with the Republicans over unemployment and tax credits. I am noticing some annoyance. I just now noticed on the news that Elizabeth Edwards died. And I notice the urge to kick her ex-husband in the ass. I hope all this observation and extra-deliberate noticing bodes well for scan results. Now I notice a feeling of calm and serenity after my fantasy ass-kicking.