I was reading through the January issue of Oprah when I came upon an article about problem areas on women's bodies. While reading the article I discovered that I have turkey neck, bat wings, frump butt, muffin top, a pooch and cankles. To correct these faults I need to buy hundreds of dollars worth of shapewear to remodel my far less than perfect, frumpy, agey butt, some gray tape to tape up my bat wings, a hacksaw for my cankles and a plastic bag to put over my head to end it all.
Before the days of chub-rub
The experts say not to wear a turtleneck to cover up the turkeyneck but to wear a V-neck, perhaps something with a brightly colored, enormous arrow pointing down and away from the turkeyneck to the pooch area -- which is the area of the belly that sticks out like a spare tire over ones sagging, graying genitalia.
On a kinder note, I do not have armpit fat, double boobs, and something the magazine referred to as chub-rub. This calls for a celebration in part where I cancel my subscription.